Renewal?

I was just browsing over my last post, trying to objectively critique my own, terribly amateur writing, and I found something...interesting. Do you know what? The title of my last post really stuck out at me like a throbbing, flashing, neon pink sign. "The New Me". The new me. What does that mean? What did I really mean by that? I mean, it's just hair, right? It's just strands of protein, a filamentous outgrowth of dead cells from skin. Right? So...why do I (why do we) feel completely new, dare I say, REnewed, with the changing of our hair? Wait. This entry is a stream of consciousness, so let me just take a second to gather my thoughts and try to organize them somewhat.

Alright. New. I don't mean merely "new" as in I look slightly different/better/worse than I did before the change of my hair color. It goes way deeper than that, although that element of looking different is the beginning. I actually feel that I am somehow truly different than I was before. Sure, I now apply slightly different shades of makeup to compliment my seemingly new complexion. I am able to style my hair differently, because it seems much more voluminous than before (this, I know, is because of the "blowing up" of the hair strand when bleaching occurs). But, there is something else in me that propels me to feel, well, better! Yes, better, anew, renewed, refreshed, somehow given a second chance at life. I feel as though I have a clean slate ahead of me. I can start over, I can press the re-set button with my new hair. It's a kind of high, really. I truly love my new color, however, I think that even if I didn't absolutely love it, I would still feel new and clean and forgiven of my sins. I feel like I now have the strength and energy to change the rest of me for the better. But, why?

Do you know that, in my mind, I was waiting until my hair appointment to officially start eating healthier. I've been wanting to change my eating habits for the past several months, but I kept floundering. When I made the decision to change my hair, I made the decision to change my lifestyle along with the hair. Alright, so hair, diet, makeup, outward appearances...that's a common and normal link; I get that.

So, I'm going to take this a few steps further to a more radical depth, even with the threat of sounding just plain silly. There are other things, that I unconsciously-consciously have decided to change (or, am making a true effort to change) along with the hair. My attitude, for one. If anyone knows what a moody, bitchy, angry, depressed, downer of a girl I can be, it's my sweet husband. I don't know how he does it sometimes. I am SO thankful he's pretty much the exact opposite of me, or else we would really be in trouble. My husband is gentle, kind, funny, happy-go-lucky. He is a true optimist and extremely patient! I wish I were like that, but I'm just not. However, I can try to moderate my stormy moods, can't I? That said, I am not so naive as to believe that I can provide my own, permanent conversion. A change so thorough and complete as that will have to come from a higher power much stronger than bleach, I'm afraid. But, I can do my small part. I can be aware of, well, how I can be. And, I can consciously try to be a better, nicer, more even tempered person. I can try to keep myself in check.

I don't know why it took a few highlights in my hair to bring to my attention, to "highlight" (ha!), some of my massive imperfections. If I really were to let myself run with it, I suppose I could go off on a tangent about how changing one's appearance could be THE new religious experience, could even be a new religion entirely, for that matter! Style conscious women and gay men everywhere would be constantly booking appointments for a Cut, Color, and Renewal - a "CCR". Desperate for true happiness and contentment, they would descend in hordes upon the poshest of hair salons (the better the salon, the better the stylists, the better your Renewal), falling to their knees before the trendy-shoed stylists, gnashing their teeth, pulling their hair, and pleading for the most fiery shade of red, the lightest of light-blonde, the deepest, bluest black... and then, after many hours, they would emerge from their places of worship with light hearts, serene smiles, transformed and wanting to give to the poor and love their neighbors. Oh, the scathing satire! This thought reminds me of a certain Kurt Vonnegut book that was one of my very favorites in high school... Anyway, if some of you haven't gotten by now that I'm kidding about the new religion thing, please do try and keep up.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Highlights highlighting my massive imperfections, therefore bringing about significant change in my attitude and actions, in addition to my outward appearance. Hmmmm. Well, it's an interesting thought, anyway, and I just thought I would put it out there. Yes, I know it sounds laughably ridiculous, and I'm kind of OK with that.